The desire to be better than others is so common today that it is not considered a negative trait. On the contrary, every person should be better than others – this is what children are taught. But life proves the opposite, because it prevents many from living.
Of course, the whole modern life is saturated with a competitive spirit, and if you periodically do not look at the actions of other people, you can fall behind the times, lose your job, stumble upon the misunderstanding of others.
Whether we like it or not, we periodically compare ourselves with others. The difference is that some people occasionally look at others and compare them with people of their "weight category", while others try to be the best in any business, and as a result they are so busy with other people's destinies that they forget about their own.
If the comparison is not satisfactory, which is more often the case, then self-esteem drops rapidly, an inferiority complex arises, a conviction of one's own worthlessness.
If you want to become the best, but at the same time you adequately assess your capabilities, react appropriately to failures, and generally feel good, then the desire cannot be called pathological. But if you generally evaluate yourself in a negative way, and the desire to be the best is caused by a passing desire to arouse the envy of others or prove your worth to them, to earn the recognition of the majority, then this is a pathological desire.
Signs of a pathological craving for primacy:
- the fear of not being able to cope with the task or perform it in the wrong way, as a result – a feeling of guilt and shame;
- constant dissatisfaction with oneself, even if successful and recognized by society;
- focusing on flaws,
- ignoring personal strengths.
In general, the desire to be the best in everything, the first is disastrous for a person. This is an unhealthy pursuit. What causes it:
1. Narcissism, egocentrism, God complex. Provided that the desire to be the best is combined with the "at any cost" method.
2. Upbringing in conditions of increased moral responsibility, lack of parental love. All parents want to be proud of their child, but some families go too far in this, forget about the personality and individuality of the child.
3. Suggestibility, dependence on other people's opinions, following stereotypes, as a consequence of the previous reason.
4. Fear of failure, inability to lose, admit defeat, wrongness. The roots of the problem are demanding and anxious or overprotective parents.
A person who strives to be the best lives for other people. He is not familiar with himself, he does not have a clear plan for life. That's why he sprays on everything, hoping that someone will say "I'm proud of you, I love you."
The desire to be the best at everything is a form of hypercompensation. This is the response of the psyche to the untreated traumas of childhood, the inner conviction of inferiority.
How can you get rid of the desire to be the best?
A person who wants to be the best subconsciously considers himself the worst. He is afraid that he will be replaced, pushed away, left behind. In his view, the only chance to earn love and recognition is to satisfy the needs of others, to follow their expectations.
To get rid of this desire, you need to:
1. Abandon the comparison. From now on, you only compare yourself to yourself. Record all the changes, successes and failures, analyze your actions and their consequences.
2. Determine the purpose of life and the goal for the near future. Do you know where you're going, or are you just going with the flow? Choose an area that suits your abilities and desires, and focus on becoming the best at one thing. But don't forget to learn to accept failure.
3. To understand your desires, interests and abilities. Make a written analysis of what you want and can do.
4. Praise yourself every day. There will be no desire to beg for respect, praise and love from others if you give it to yourself.
5. Allow yourself to make mistakes, lose, become imperfect. Failures are an integral part of life. There is no point in blaming yourself for mistakes, you need to analyze them, draw conclusions and adjust your actions.
6. Realize and accept your positive qualities. You are valuable a priori. Your importance and value does not depend on anyone's opinion. Learn to rely on yourself and your immediate environment.
Deep self–knowledge, self-respect and self-acceptance are the keys to getting rid of the desire to be the best.
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